Betta, Mo'Betta, and Bestest

I have so much on my mind I can barely sit still. 

I've started exactly 13 blog posts in the last two weeks ... and I've only finished and posted 2. The rest are in progress.  I'm reading other blogs but I'm having a hard time commenting ... I always try to have something to say other than "Great post" or "Well done" ... I try not to comment if I only have something stupid to say ... I bet that surprises some of you who have seen my stupid comments on your blog :P  

I took this picture of my son reading his new favorite book ... and I have been writing a post about this author and all his books ... he's fantastic you can see his stuff here Chris Van Dusen .  I'm still trying to get it done.  Hopefully, this week.

(NOTE to everyone asking ... I'm going to post a moving update tomorrow ... thanks for all your kind words and inquiries)

I've been stymied by a couple of emails I've received from people who read my blog but never comment.

The first one accused me of copying her content ... Well, in answer to that, I have never read her blog and I've never even seen her comment on another blog that I do read. (I like to read every one's comments on their blogs). So, I'm not sure how she thinks that. When I emailed her back to ask about specifics and to let her know that I didn't know who she was ... she became really nasty. I've had to block her from my email and from the blog (both of those tasks took me several days to figure out).

Anyway, the other was nasty also ... apparently, someone noticed that I had changed the wording on one of my previous posts. Who knew anyone was even paying that much attention to my blog?

I guess I've broken some unwritten rule that says "You are never to correct any mistakes in previous posts".

Last week, two of my favorite bloggers Helene (Congrats on your 1000 followers ... it is well deserved) and Deb posted some blog tips. I've been reading a lot about how to make my blog better and more importantly how to be a good blogger friend and observe some etiquette rules.

But, I haven't come across anything that says I shouldn't go back to an old post and fix wording or spelling mistakes. I have often gone back and changed the wording on something that wasn't written clearly (I'm trying to improve my writing skills) and I have absolutely gone back and inserted a word I left out and I've corrected bad spelling.

Have I broken another blogging rule?

I'm really trying to be good at this ...

Do you correct mistakes in past posts?

P.S.    So ... I just discovered that everytime I post a test to see how it looks and then go back and delete it ... it shows up like a new post I have made and even if I delete it ... it is still there on peoples reading lists.  Would someone PLEASE tell me when I'm doing something stupid!!!  I swear I'm such an idiot sometimes ....

Blogger of the Year ...

Here is how my nightmare goes ...

After years of blogging, I'm being acknowledged for my superior writing skills and of course my wit ... I'm seen as the next Erma Bombeck AND the best mother ever ... I'm constantly asked, "How do you do it all and manage to be so gorgeous, too?". But the only thing I can think about is all the pressure. Now, I have to blog. It's no longer fun ... and the worst part ... I'm not longer anonymous.

Articles about me are first on the Internet, then picked up by the local papers, then a national story, and finally I'm contacted by Barbara Walters ... she wants a one on one interview to air in a special show all about me. I'm worried ... can I do an interview and not swear? My mom would say, "NO ... never in a million years ... trust me ... I know" .

Please, I pray, don't ask me what kind of tree I'd like to be ...
Here is how the interview goes ...

B.W. - "How has motherhood changed you?"

Me - "I'm no longer grossed out by boogers. I now see them as an important food source for my kids."

B.W. - (after a long, stunned, pause) "How do you feel about other bodily fluids?"

Me - "Oh ... I embrace them ... just yesterday, while having a tender moment hugging my son ... he peed on me to let me know how much he loves me.

What about the poop? Well, what would any day be without wiping a multitude of butts?

What if it gets on your hand? I'm just grateful it's not in my hair.

The vomit? Don't you know? We mom's use that to get out of having sex with our husbands. We make sure it's in our hair AND on our clothes ... it's a very useful tool."

B.W. - "Wow ... you're really good at answering your own questions."

Me - (ha ha)

B.W. - "How did being pregnant, first with a singleton and then 6 months later with TWINS! at the age of 43! change your body?"

Me - "Do you want to hear my definition of all the different words used for "Breasts"?"

B.W. - "Ummm ... Would you just answer the question?"

Me - "Oh come on ... you'll enjoy it ... we have an hour to fill."

B.W. - "Ummm ... we can always edit it out ..."

Me - "Trust me ... it's all gold ... here's the break down ...

Breasts = the word for the young and dating

Milk Duds = for the woman who wants to breast feed but can't

Boobs = for the moms who know the feeling of having a work load placed on their chest and now see the destructive aftermath in the mirror each day

Tits = are for tramps

It's funny, right? This is the kind of thing my readers have been enjoying for years."

(I notice at this point that Barbara has a strange look on her face ... and I sense that she thinks the interview is not going well ... I've been trying to stay on topic but as usual I'm probably babbling all over the place ... so I suggest a story of a recent shopping trip because it relates to the whole boob thing and it may liven things up ...)

Me - "I'll tell you a short story ... On a recent shopping trip to Target a sympathetic mom stopped me when she noticed my knees shaking badly ... "Can I help you?" she asked, " I noticed your knees are shaking badly." ... "Oh, thanks for your concern", I say, "But those are my boobs ... I tuck them into my pants when I shop so they don't get in the way."

(I sense she doesn't think my story is funny ... I'm starting to sweat a little ... I'm frantically trying to remember what the question was ... Oh yeah ... How has birthing three babies changed my body ... okay, I'll answer that and try to make her happy)

Me - "Going back to the original question ... How has my body changed? Well, for starters, when I brush my teeth naked now, my boobs hit the counter when I lean over the sink. I'm sure you can imagine how startling that is when they come in contact with the cold hard tile."

(And, of course, I laugh at how funny I think I am)

B.W. - "We all as parents say things we never thought we would ever say. What things have you said that you've been surprised about?"

Me - (ha ha ha) "Yes, I'm sure we all do it. A few things come to mind like ... "Who peed on the floor?" ... "Why is there a booger on the counter?" ... "Why does the whole house smell like poop" ... "Is that giant booger from YOUR nose?"

You know, one of the funniest things I say is, "Use your inside voices". I hear other mothers using this phrase to get their kids to stop yelling in the library. I use that phrase to make other moms think I'm trying to get my kids to be quiet. The reality is that those ARE my kids inside voices ... I always get a good laugh when I say that."

(Now, I'm sweating profusely. She hasn't smiled once during the entire interview ... and I'm giving her my best stuff ... I'm pretty sure she is about to discover her mistake ... I really only have 20 followers ... 11 of them refuse to acknowledge publicly that they like my blog ... but I continue on ... hoping I can get her plastic face to smile)

B.W. - "How were you able to lose all the baby weight"

Me - "Naked butt shots on the refrigerator and the pantry."

(come on Babs ... this is my best stuff ... not even a snicker for that one? ... I continue...)

"I had read that other women like to take photos of their feet while standing on the scale, so they can record the number on the scale getting smaller. But, I thought that would be easy to cheat on. My scale is right next to my sink and I could easily put my hand there and push up to make that number go down. Then one day I thought ... why not take a photo of my naked butt in the mirror each Monday morning ... one flexed, one regular ... and tape them to all the food sources in my house. If I have to look at that each time I reach for food, surely that sight would deter me. What I didn't anticipate is the side benefit ... My husband was able to lose the 30 pounds he gained also. He even had the added incentive of seeing my butt more often, so naturally he lost his extra weight first"

B.W. - (clears throat and boldly plows on) "All moms talk about how exhausted they were in the beginning. For me, I was yawning all day and had to drink an extra cup of coffee. How was your experience with that?"

Me - "Well I was thinking I was starting to have a problem when, one day, whilst sitting on the toilet, I realized that no one was crying and no one had followed me to talk. I was savoring the peace and quiet when I happened to look at my underwear and noticed they were on inside out and backwards. I laughed a little because I'd been thinking all morning that my butt must be getting huge because my underwear felt different. I left them that way ... I was just too tired to take off my shoes to change them around. Later that same morning, I noticed my shirt was inside out so I started to check all my clothes, luckily it ended there ... until the next day. ( I suddenly had a new awareness of my appearance, I guess). I had just returned home from grocery shopping and ran to use the bathroom ... as I was washing my hands I noticed I had some disgusting looking substance on my shirt ... and it was on inside out ... then I saw I had on two different earrings AND two different shoes ... the earrings I can understand ... but the shoes? How could I not notice that?

But ... it was not until later that afternoon that I finally admitted that I couldn't go on this tired ... I fell off the chair I was sitting on while I was breast pumping because I had fallen asleep. I decided, at that point, that it would probably be in my best interest to just stay there and sleep for a bit. Unfortunately, this is how my friend found me when she came in a while later. I have convinced myself that the shock on her face was because she was concerned for my well being ... but I fear that the shock was really a product of her getting a gander of my giant boobs."

B.W. - (just stares at me for a moment then says ...) "In closing, I must say that you have surprised me with how much, and the type, of information you think is appropriate to share.

Me - "Well, frankly, once you've gone through IVF, pregnancy, and childbirth and you've had multitudes of people sticking hands, scopes, and various other objects into you, plus hundreds of total strangers seeing you naked ... nothing seems off limits anymore.

Run Turkey Run

We are making preliminary preparations to move and I've haven't had time to post. After reading today's post over at Erin's blog http://ifyougiveamomamoment.blogspot.com I thought I'd repost this from Novemeber 24, 2009.

Hope everyone is having a good week :))


I love this time of the year. Thanksgiving then Christmas. For the many years that I was employed, this was always a time with a lot of days off. And, being the type A good little workaholic that I am, this was the only time I ever felt really good about not being at work.

Now, with the kids ... I love it for all the new experiences I get to see them have ... and all the new traditions we are creating as a new family.

Some of my fondest moments growing up was cooking with my mom on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. My parents were the type to always invite a lot of guests to our home ... especially those they knew were going to be alone. We always had a lot of cooking to do and we needed to start the day before.

For years I was the helper ... I would stir, fetch, wash dishes, slice apples, grease pans ... my mom was wise enough to not ask me to actually cook anything. She had watched me cook over the years. I could whip up a mean smoothie and scramble an egg ... but seriously ... I'm a bit of a disaster in the kitchen.

I've heard stories from others about how they can't cook but those same people mention things like Julienne (I should really Google what that is) and I know they are just being coy. I'm someone who actually wants to be a good cook but I just can't get there. My mom has done a recipe with me step by step and the end result is still not right. She can't figure it out ... it's like I have a disconnect in my brain and a dark cooking cloud following me around.

Let's include some examples here ... When I was briefly married in my early twenties, that guy was an accomplished Country Fried Chicken cook. One day he called me and asked me to cook this when I got home and gave me detailed instructions ... spices in the Bisquick on a plate to dredge (huh?) it in ... but first soak it in milk. Well, first what the %^$# is dredge? ... but I don't ask because by this point in our marriage I knew he was an idiot ... So, I get home and assemble the ingredients and I decide that I can skip a step by putting the milk in the Bisquick and making a paste (because of course he's an idiot and I can do this better for sure). I spackle the outside of the meat with the paste and put it in the electric skillet to fry ... now anyone reading this who knows what is about to happen ... YOU CAN COOK ... I had no idea that the outside would turn into a pancake ... or that the piece of meat would be raw under the perfectly cooked pancake ... I have to say he was quite impressed with my cooking ability ... not to mention my time saving technique.

Then there was the time that I was going to cook a whole chicken for dinner ... mom had told me about removing the contents in the cavity and to wash it ... but she didn't mention that it would smell bad. I don't eat (or cook) much meat so I wasn't sure what the smell should be when it was raw ... so I take the chicken to my mom, who is quietly reading in her room, to ask (looking back she may have been praying for me with a bible ... or maybe for herself and my dad) ... I tell her the problem, spread the legs of the chicken and shove it under her nose ... she abouts throws up on the bed, but makes it to the bathroom just in time ... she correctly asks me "What is wrong with you? How could you not know that the chicken is bad?". Now in my defense ... have you ever smelled fish before it's cooked? I just thought chicken smelled bad too before it was cooked.

I saved my mom's absolute best "M" cooking story for last because it's her favorite and I know she is going to read this ...

One Thanksgiving whilst cooking with my mom (she has at this point in life decided that I'm not to even attempt to make a decision on my own ... I'm only to do as told) she asks me to grease my hands ... I hesitate .. she has never asked this before ... but she is making bread and maybe she needs me to squish the dough and this will keep it from sticking to my hands ... so I stick my hands into the can of Crisco and get a large handful (because of course more is better ... I don't want to have dough sticking to my hands). I slather my hands front, back, in between fingers and I even grab a little more because I think I don't have enough ... then finally I look up at my mom and say "OK done ... what do you need me to do now" ... only I notice that my mom is looking at me with a really odd expression ... "What are you doing?" she asks "Greasing my hands" I say ... looonngg pause whilst she contemplates my stupidity ... "The PANS you idiot ... the PANS" ... yes ... she called me in idiot ... we laughed until we practically wet our pants ... and we still laugh just a hard each year when this subject inevitably comes up.

Happy Thanksgiving ... I hope everyone is creating some good memories with their families ... We will be eating a catered meal courtesy of Mimi's Cafe (and the $80.00 we gave them).

The 2010 Purge ... Part 2

The problem with my life, right now, may not be my lack of accomplishments ... but rather my lack of recognizing them ...

My goal for 2010 is to purge and to do more things that make me happy ... I started with my blog and I've moved on to my home. But, I was unhappy with my progress until last night ... here is the conversation that occurred ...

Girl 1 (daddy walks in the door from work), "Daddy, Daddy ... look at our beautiful new closet !!". She drags him over to see the hall closet that I had just finished organizing ... I hadn't said a word about it ... I'd just done it ... not really expecting anyone to notice. I see something that needs to be done and it stays on my mind until it is complete. I do it and then on to the next thing. I'm not in the habit of stopping to take a photo of the before and after ... and many of my completed projects just go away. Each project usually goes unrewarded and unrecognized ... except that it frees my brain of that particular thing and that is actually a huge thing in my life right now ...

Background ...

Clutter makes me crazy. Having things in an unorganized state makes me loose sleep ... it also makes me unproductive .... and the more unproductive I am the worse the situation gets and around and around I go. My mom has named this "action paralysis" ... you have so much to do that you can't figure out where to start.

In October 2006, I was suddenly overwhelmed with three children under the age of 2 (along with 30 lbs of extra weight, surgery recuperation, and PPD) and life as I knew it was over. It took awhile to realize it ... but one day it hit me ... I was in the laundry room folding lots and lots of little towels (we have a drawer filled with 12 x 12 white towels that we use for everything ... drying dishes, wiping spills, burp cloths for babies ... etc) and my husband walks in and says "You have three kids now ... you don't have time to fold all those towels ... just throw them in the drawer" ... duh ... of course ... why couldn't I have thought of that?

And so life changed and became a little disorganized (at least for my Type A personality ... I wanted to look in that drawer and see those towels folded).

Then, we learned that we were being relocated to Texas from California ... with a 2 year old and 2 - 1 year old's. I can pretty much say our life got totally out of control at that point.

Thanks goodness for relocation companies because there was no way I had the time to pack. We typically move every two years with my husband's job ... so every two years I would go through the house from top to bottom and sort and purge so as not to move any junk. We had been in our current home for 5 years and we had accumulated more "stuff" than normal. We ended up moving all the "stuff" to Texas with us ... now I have to PURGE all the stuff.

I not sure that I would have reached this purge point yet had it not been for the purchase of a new sofa for the family room. That meant the family room sofa was going upstairs and the upstairs sofas would be purged ... but the sofas got moved to the playroom (temporarily)... where we had already moved two dressers (temporarily) that we are going to purge. The playroom now is a disaster ... the kids try to play in there but really can't.

"Break it down in to small pieces" everyone says ... yeah ... right. My brain can't process that way of working. But it's about the only way to get anything done at this point in my life and I really need to be better at adapting.

But wait, I may be getting it ... My "all or nothing" personality may be seeing shades of gray ...

Today ...

I got up this morning and had an epiphany ... I had just completed 4 projects ... not just the hall closet ... without even realizing it ... had my 4 year old not brought it to my attention last night, I probably would not have realized it. Here is what I've accomplished so far this year (besides my normal daily things) ....

1. organized kids craft area (formerly called the dining room)

2. cleaned and organized the closet under the stairs

3. took inventory of items to sell

4. cleaned and organized the hall closet

Because I typically see the whole picture and not the individual pieces ... I'm failing to see what I've done ... I focus on the undone ... the list of undone is gi-normous ... but the list of "done" is big, too ... especially if I look at what I accomplish everyday with the kids.

Sooo ... 2010 ... it's still ON !!!

I've added an addendum to my goal to purge this year ....

Purge AND ... focus on the "done" in writing and with photos ...

Stay tuned for lots of before and after photos ... I know ... you can hardly wait :)

The only thing that will stop me now ???

We just found out that we are going to be relocated ... possibly to the northeast ... yikes

No More ...

Today we saw the kids' dentist, Dr. Jessie ... our purpose for the visit?

My first born has stopped sucking her thumb.

She really stopped last October ... but I wanted to be sure it was a permanent thing. Dr. Jessie and all her staff made a huge deal of it ... they are soooo wonderful ... She had balloons, too, but they didn't make it home.

To grasp the magnitude of her accomplishment and how hard she worked to stop, I need to tell you that she was sucking her thumb in the womb. When she was born she had a blister on her thumb from sucking it ... all the nurses joked about how hard of a habit it was going to be to break ... she did it without help or aids ... the only thing we did was to occasionally remind her that she needed to stop around 4 years old (per Dr. Jessie). Our pedi's advice was to not pressure her ...

We are so happy for her ...

And ... FYI

The posing was her idea ... she has ham in her DNA :)

Oh, Brother ...

My brother is getting married ... and I really need to say, " FINALLY!!!" ... we've been waiting forEVER. My family loves her ... have loved her for OVER 2 YEARS (except me ... I've been a tad busy ... not that I don't love her ... we've just never met ... our paths have not crossed for a variety of reasons ... none of which have been for a lack of trying ... but I trust my family to know that she is perfect for my brother ... so I love her by proxy).

They did a Wedding Window website to keep everyone informed of all the details. This site is fantastic but, really, they left out a small detail ...

They should have included a category for the crazy relative they invited to the wedding to vent ... that would be me ...

(Oh ... and also ... Please ... Please ... can you stop that music? ... must it play incessantly the ENTIRE time I'm perusing the site for fodder?)

Sooo ... in order not to rain my crazy all over their wedding site I'm going to do it here. Why is it that so many people loose their humor when they decide to get married? Regular people who joke around and see other people's weddings as funny, suddenly get all mushy and serious about their own ...

My brother, I fear, is falling victim to this phenomenon too. So, I say, he is fair game for this post ... he needs to take it like the joker man he is ... any guy who can go through life laughing at every fart joke ever told, wallowing in the odor that gags others, calling up poopreport.com every time he needs a good laugh, and genuinely being one of the funniest people I know ... needs to have these things pointed out about his over the top mushy wedding site.

Quick wedding story of my own here ... The day we got married, Big Daddy and I were driving to our wedding site in Dana Point, California, about 50 minutes away when suddenly he says ... "I forgot my pants" ... seriously? ... how do you even get out of the house without your pants? ... better yet ... How did I not notice? ... we were so happy with ourselves that we were going to be there on time, too.

Now on to my "crazy relative" comments that I wish I could insert on the their website ...

Under the heading "From Our Hearts", they tell a story of their "Non Meeting"... how they grew up in the same area, knew the same people, attended the same functions, relatives and friends knew each other and attended the same church, they attended the same church, they both taught children at that same church ... and they never met ... and they never met ... and they never met ... and they leave this statement as a parting shot, "So, if you don't believe in God, there you go. And, he has a great sense of humor"

I say, "Jokes on you ... he tried really hard to keep you two apart".

Under the the heading "Other Info", Pastor Such-n-Such, "Will be doing the hitching"

I say - "If you're gonna do hick, by golly, be doin 'er raight. Dem der should say, "We be gettin hitched by dem der church feller".

Under the heading "Other Info" about this church feller, they say, "He is one righteous dude"

I say - When you reach the age of 40 you can no longer say, "He is one righteous dude.." and not have people laugh at you (for "people" read "ME" ... dude). And, really, should you be talking "Hick" and "Surfer dude" in the same paragraph?

They have on their "Welcome" page a ticker counting down the days until the wedding ...

I say, "Smacks a little of a Doomsday Clock ... wouldn't ya say?"

AHHHHH ...

All I can say is ... Thank You, God, for letting me blog ... without you (my blog) I would forever be shunned by all those who can't take a joke (for "all those who can't take a joke" read "certain family, certain friends, and probably most of the Bride's side" ... doesn't the groom's side usually see more humor in the wedding than the bride's? ) ...

Any whoo ... venting is over ... now I don't have to call everyone to tell them all these jokes ... ha ha ha ... I thought I would explode before I got all this out. I was going to their website daily to see if they had put in a category for "Crazy Relative" and one never showed up.

So ... now I can be nice sister again. :)