Yesterday, I read this post How To Raise Kids Who Love Their Bodies and felt compelled to link to it. Thank you Maryann for giving me permission to do so. I hope everyone who reads this will link to the article as well ... I think it's such an important issue. With so much talk on our blogs about dieting, I'm hoping we can change the discussion a little ... Here's a little of my story ...
One thing that most people don't know about me is that I'm a fanatic about my health. Especially now that I have children.
I have always been an exercise nut. In my late teens and early twenties I was all about Jazzercise. I took multiple classes a week and at least 2 days a week I'd take back to back classes
That eventually changed and I discovered an over 30 women's soccer league. I joined when I was 29 and started my first game just a few weeks after my 30th birthday. To say I love soccer would be an understatement. In those days I started work at noon, but being a morning person, I was up at my usual 4 am. I'd wait until the sun was up, grab my soccer ball and head out to practice on my own. Once I did that, I'd go for a run ... and I'd run until I couldn't anymore ... then run home. At least 5 miles a day.
You get my drift at this point ... I never had a weight issue. I never was on a diet. I was so active I never had to think about my weight.
I had to stop playing soccer (I was about to move and I was having serious knee issues) and immediately started gaining a little weight ... only I didn't really notice. Bike shorts and long, cute t-shirts were what everyone was wearing then (well ... to be honest here ... I was still wearing them ... maybe not everyone else).
About half way through my soccer career, I was advised by my doctor to stop being a vegan. I was negatively affecting my health (that will be a story for another day).
Anyway, over the next few years I was never able to establish a fun way to exercise anymore and it started to become clear that my eating habits were as poor as the rest of my family. They had all been dieters my entire life. I just always thought that I was immune to gaining weight. I somehow never connected it to all my exercise.
So, there I was, 20 lbs over weight with no idea of how to diet. I went into my first pregnancy at 42 with this extra weight ... then 6 months after the birth of my first child ... became pregnant with my twins.
Then before I knew it I was 44 years old, had 3 kids under the age of 2, tired beyond belief, dealing with PPD ... need I go on? My weight was terrible ... and I was not caring ... I just needed to be able to get through a day.
I know this is long ... sorry ....
I've spent the last 4 years trying to get everything under control again so I could concentrate on my health. I am much older than most mom's and I want to see my grandchildren.
The one thing I have discovered is that I had terrible role models in my parents. I'm not trying ... in ANY way to be disrespectful of my parents ... I love them all dearly ... but my dad and step mother are both overweight and have health issues because of it and my mother has always been extremely critical of all of us girls about our weight.
One moment that is burned in to my memory is this ... I was to have dinner with my mom and my siblings after work one night ... I hadn't seen her for awhile and I was looking forward to it. I was late getting off work and when I arrived my family was sitting waiting for me by the entrance ... when I got
close the first words out of my mom's mouth were, "Merri Ann you've always had those big thighs ... I don't know where you got that from ..." I was at the time wearing a size 2 pants, weighed 105 lbs, and was an exercise fanatic.
Now, here I am years later, struggling to set a good example for my children. It's imperative for me. I have 2 daughters ... and it looks like they are going to have two very different body types ... One appears to be more like my side of the family ... the other like my husband's. The reason I mention this is that my husband's family has those genes that make you rail thin your entire life. His mother, aunt, sister ... etc. They are extremely thin ... no matter what they eat.
I don't want to have a daughter that spends her life struggling with weight ....
Or, more importantly, I don't want any of my kids to EVER feel like they need to change their body ... for any reason.
As I sit here, I know that I have issues with my body image ... I'm called "Grandma" more often than "Mom" when out with my kids and I don't even want to tell you what being pregnant with twins at 44 did to my body. Every time I even joke about getting surgery to "fix" any body part ... my husband about has a fit that I would want to change my body (Thank you God for sending him in to my life).
So, here I am today, trying at every opportunity to be the parent I want to be ... waking up every day determined to do better and to be a better role model.
Please read the article at the top of the post. It is without a doubt one of the best things I have read on the subject of body image and what we are projecting to our children.
P.S. For those of you who made it this far and want to know about the title of this post ... I sooo wanted to replace the word "ears" with "breasts" ... I wanted this to be a serious post but I had to put a little something here at the end :))
Posts
12 comments:
This is a GREAT post. I agree with you 100%. I want to raise a healthy kid both physically and mentally.
This is SUCH an important topic. I've always had pretty good body image, although my relationship with my body ... let's just say that that's the current topic of focus in therapy. :)
I've finally started exercising regularly, and I am very careful to never talk about it with (or in front of) my daughters in terms of weight loss or beauty. I've explained to them that I need to take care of my body so that it will stay healthy and strong.
My mother was similar. She'd buy me children's clothes when I weighed 104 pounds and say, "Don't worry. They'll fit after you lose the weight." She tried to give me a nose job for my 18th birthday because she doesn't like how much I look like my father. She even thought my feet were too big at a size 6. (Bunion surgery and pregnancy have grown me to a 7.5!) She tried to make me start wearing makeup at age 15 to cover up my eczema scars; in rebellion, I haven't learned how to use makeup to this day!
I don't let her around my kids too often in part because she's fixated on the "ugliness" of my daughter's facial cleft.
So, I say brava to modeling a healthy self-image and healthy, rather than skinny, lifestyle.
I'm sorry. My comments are a post in themselves.
I loved the article you linked, but I have to take exception to this: "“Sit down with your child and tell them that everyone is built genetically different,” Castle says. “Some are bigger, some are smaller and some are in between.”"
My kids are built genetically the same, but one's bigger and more muscular, and one's smaller and faster. I understand that Castle wasn't thinking about identicals when she said what she said, but for me, that whole attitude yet another hurdle for my kids to overcome ... looking at each other and thinking "I should look like that". The world thinks that our ideal healthy look at shape is in our DNA, but DNA isn't everything.
I LOVE this post! As you (may) know, I am struggling with my weight (poor eating habits + stupid health issues that have caused weight gain), too, so I am right there with you sista. But I'm so glad you want to change all of that for your kids.
I will NEVER forget this one girl I babysat for. She was rail thin, her thighs were no bigger around than my forearm, she played soccer all the time and yet, at 9, she said to me multiple times "I'm fat. My thighs are too big. I need to lose weight." AT NINE! I about died. I got really mad, but of course couldn't let her see that. I said what I needed to say and expressed my concern to her mom. I don't know if it did any good though, her mom works out probably 3 hours a day and has had 4 kids but still has a 6-pack abs. She's an extremist.
Anyway, with the issues I have had my whole life and my mom and dad not being the best role models in that department (and they, too, make snide remarks), I have vowed to do better for my kids. I never want my daughters (assuming I have one or two) to worry about their weight. I want them to learn good eating habits from the get-go so they don't have to try and change their ways at 22 like me.
I actually was going to comment on the post about Jack, how healthy of snacks you had for the kids! LOVE IT!
And I wrote a novel. Again. Oy, I need to stop.
Happy Thursday ;)
Marianne
Great post! And no needed. I worry about my YW and even more so about my granddaughter who is being taught early some very poor eating habits. As girls, we always have body issues, and somehow we have to help the uprising generation to be healthy about it.
I will read it later. But my sisters and I sing it with the word BoobS!!!
Great post....so glad that I stopped by...love your blog design...
Doing a little blog hopping...I have 2 GREAT GIVEAWAYS that I will draw for on Sunday night...so hope you will stop by.....
Teresa
http://teresa-grammygirlfriend.blogspot.com/
Merri Ann,
Thanks for linking to my post and sharing your story. I think the process of raising children is filled with opportunities for healing ourselves. Because we don't want to repeat the cycle, we can do the work needed to change ourselves and help prevent our children from having the same problems.
Sadia, what Castle meant was that children benefit from learning about the different shapes and sizes of people instead of thinking everyone should be a size 2. Size acceptance is a huge problem in this country. And science is now showing that identical twins' DNA is not exactly the same as previously thought, so there can be some differences in how children turn out. And you're right, it's not just DNA but also personality. Everyone interacts differently with their environment.
Thanks for reading!
Maryann
Thanks for all the great comments everyone. I emailed several people to let them know I was going to comment here but I ran out of time yesterday and today does not look much better.
Please hang in there ... I promise to get to it this weekend.
Thanks again ...
Merri Ann
I think that is great!
I am a size 0-2 depending where I shop and I do not know what I weigh. I have a 10 year old and what I focus on is healthy and unhealthy.
I Never ever used the words skinny or thin or fat - ever.
There is a boy across the street who is probably obese and I tell Emily that he is really unhealthy and I describe why.
For me, I was always a little on the chubby side growing up and I never even gave it 2 hoots, then whe I was 20 I decided to just eat less. Not cut out bread or desserts. Just eat everything and eat less.
I lost 20 pounds and got down to a size 2 and have pretty much stayed that way. I gained 50 pound with both girls and lost all of it just by eating less.
and exercise, playing, walking, etc.
It is a fine line these days with girls and when I was little I swear nobody even thought about being skinny. I really make sure when we are watching TV to point out skinny and say that it is unhealthy.
When I was losing the baby weight from Sarah, Emily would always ak, "Why do you want to lost more, you look great Mommy" and between you and me I hated that question!!
I just told her that my size 2 jeans were expensive and I didn't want to go out and buy more, plus my size is healthy for my height. I swear it just confused her!
That's my 2 cents for whatever it is worth. I hate that kids think about body weight so young. Luckily the 10 year old is like me and doesn't give 2 hoots! Let's keep it that way!
This is a great post. Love your blog. I plan on stopping back shortly to finish reading, right now I am in the process of chasing a 2 year old and trying to fix dinner. So from one 40+mom to another ~ Hi!!
I'm also following your blog as well.
There is so much in this post, and in Maryann's, that I can relate to. I really want my kids to be healthy eaters, and not at all focused on body image. With the way our society works, I know my job won't be easy. But I really hope, especially for my daughter, that her experiences with food and feelings about body image will be very different from mine when I was growing up.
Post a Comment