Being A Mom Over 40 Is Different

We had our third measurable snow event on Tuesday ... the second was Christmas Eve ... I had a white Christmas for the first time in my life.

The kids were determined to build snowmen...

They were successful ... 6 was the total count of mini snowmen ... After they had completed them all, I was asked to assist with carrot noses, eyes, smiles, and hats. Carrot noses ... check ... that's easy ... we even had baby carrots for their little faces ... but the others ? (sigh) I have the "creativity" gene lacking in me. I dismissed the hats and smiles as not necessary (it was a cold and wet snow ... the kids were soaking wet and freezing) and looked for eyes. "Buttons" the kids yelled ... "Get buttons" ... just who do they think I am? Martha Stewart? I don't have loose buttons laying around to use for snowmen eyes ...

This is where being over 40 comes in handy ...

Those are prunes for eyes ...

Happy New Year to everyone ....

The Things That Didn't Get Done

I have always been the person who is done with all my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving. I would address all the cards over Thanksgiving weekend and mail them Monday morning. I saved the wrapping of gifts until the first Saturday in December ... I'd gather all the gifts, wrapping paper, and my favorite Christmas movies and have a little wrapping party. Then the rest of the season was filled with fun. After I got married, I had to have one gift mailed by October 1st ... we had relatives living in Saudi Arabia ... so I used that as my new cut off day to have all my shopping done.

I used to really love to tell people this ...

Now I'm getting all my payback from those people wishing that I would be cursed and tortured with the scourge of disorganization ...

Now I have kids ...

In 2005, our daughter was born in June ... I managed to get all the shopping done and cards mailed before our trip to Texas for Christmas ... the gift for our relative in Saudi Arabia was mailed late and cost double the amount of the actual gift to mail because we missed the October 1 deadline.

In 2006, our twins were born in October. No cards were mailed and the only gifts that were purchased were for our kids and my husband gave me something ... If I watch the video we shot on Christmas Day, I could tell you what those gifts were ... and I could also tell you that I was in tears unwrapping presents ... I was upset that everything wasn't "perfect" for our first Christmas together ... Hello PPD.

Now it's 2009.

I didn't get cards mailed ... my husband took his computer in for service and they had to wipe out the hard drive ... my old address book was on that computer and I hadn't had the time to transfer them to mine ... but that's ok because the Christmas photo we had taken of the kids, along with all the copies we had made to send to everyone, disappeared ... and that's ok too because the cards I bought really suck and I wasn't thrilled with sending them out anyway.

Two of my favorite people on this planet, my mother and father in law, didn't get a gift ... I had arranged for all of their kids and grand kids to have a professional photo taken ... that fell apart the day before we were to leave for the family Christmas celebration at their house. I found this out via phone messages left on my phone while I was waiting for my daughter to get out of surgery (a minor surgical procedure to remove a lump on her leg that the surgeon thinks is benign).

We never put up a single Christmas light ... but we did get the kids to the biggest choreographed light display in Texas ... in 42 degree weather with a wind chill in the 30's.

2010 is around the corner ... and big changes are in store for us (more about that later). I am determined to get back to all the early Christmas stuff.

I'm determined to spend all the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas doing fun things with family.

I think I'll start addressing Christmas cards now ... I have the cards ... all I need are the addresses and the photos. If I leave them unsealed, I can put the 2010 picture in with the 2009 picture ...

This is my attempt at being more positive in 2010. I need a motto for 2010 ... 2009 was supposed to be all mine ... but that didn't quite work out ...

In December 2010, I don't want to be posting about the things that didn't get done and feeling bad about it ... I want to post about the things that didn't get done and feel good about it.

Balance and the "Slow Family" Wannabe

Balance. Most of us are grasping for it ... striving for it ... just trying to figure it out. It was a big topic of discussion at our family gathering this year. Is it accomplished as a whole or in small pieces? Can you say you have balance while one aspect of your life is totally out of control? Is having balance just a feeling that your life is under control? Or is it about the actual balancing of individual pieces like work time vs time at home with family, chores vs. time with the kids, time for ourselves vs. time with friends, ...etc.

I'm starting to understand that, in my life, I have good balance ... I'm told that often by people I have a lot of respect for ... but my perception of my life is the opposite. I think I balance individual things well, but the big picture feels out of control.

My challenge now is how to balance family time and extra curricular activities. I don't want to be the mother running from place to place to place then falling in to bed each night exhausted then repeating the whole process again the next day. I want the kids in activities but the time commitment is ridiculous.

I played competitive soccer in an "Over 30" women's soccer league for years ... every Saturday for 6 months of the year was taken up by soccer. No weekend trips. It was the reason I quit. Now I'm considering putting my kids in some kind of activity. The things we are considering are soccer, swimming, karate, or maybe, obedience then agility classes with our new dog.

I'm leaning toward something animal related. I grew up on a ranch and would love that lifestyle for my kids, but that may not be practical for us to start right now.

The bottom line here is that there may be no way to avoid the running around. Every mom I've spoken to has resigned themselves to this lifestyle ... but is there another choice? Does it have to be "all" or "nothing"? We have 3 kids ... if each one is in only one activity that's would be at a minimum 3 practices each week (hopefully on separate days) and three games (hopefully at separate times). All the practices seem to start at around 5 or 6 (dinner time) that would put everyone home at around 6-7 ... is that when dinner is eaten? When is the cooking done if no one is home after 4 in the afternoon? Just how many crock pot meals can someone eat?

Everyone I know is doing this ... the parents are running their kids around, all over town ... limiting each kid to one activity doesn't work unless you only have one child. So is this the only option?

If we choose not to enroll the kids in outside activities, what will they do? I only know what I did ... once I got home from school I rode horses, then I had to clean stalls, wipe down equipment, and feed everyone before it got dark. I wasn't in any other activity. The beauty of this was it all took place where home was and we got to decide what horse shows we attended and how many. My sister was doing the same thing and attending the same shows. Horse shows have classes divided by age groups.

What is the answer? How do we not start down a road that will be hard to detour from?

I'm on a quest ... can it be done? I know two families that seem to think it's OK to spend $3000.00 (yes .. that's 3 thousand dollars) to enroll in Volleyball ... and that's not including all the traveling and overnight hotels bills.

Now I start my journey to be different ... I'm going to boldly go where most families don't want to go ... to a world where soccer, little league, swimming, dancing, cheer leading ... don't exist.

Christmas Traditions

I'd been hearing about "The Elf On The Shelf" ... the concept was intriguing. Then I read a post from one of my favorite bloggers http://www.litandlaundry.blogspot.com and I knew I needed to start something similar with my family.

I knew I'd need to tweek the story to fit our family ... I purchased an Elf and my husband and I wrote a story. Sunday morning he rang the door bell and the fun started ...

After reading the letter, the first thing we needed to do was name him ... "Herbie" was decided quickly because Rudolph is currently their favorite movie.

The difference between a 4 year old and a 3 year old? Our 4 year old thinks he is real ... she walked around showing him the dogs and her room, she read books to him ...

The 3 year olds' reactions?
Me to our son ... "Do you want to have a turn with Herbie?"
Son (starts crying) "He's scary ... I don't like him"

Me to our daughter ... "Do you want a turn with Herbie?"
Daughter ... "Yes ... I lovvveee Herpes ..."

That's my girl .....

The Gift That Just Keeps On Giving

Or maybe I should just realise that no good deed goes unpunished....

Yesterday, I had my usual morning ... up at 4:30 ish, get cup of coffee, empty dishwasher, fold clothes in dryer, put clothes from washer in dryer, put new load in washer, attend to a little paperwork, answer emails from non-morning people who write like crazy at night, get second cup of coffee, read blogs, write a little if time. But this was a school day for the kids ... so I had to make sure breakfast was ready to go ... usually I put warm milk in a cup mixed with Pediasure (my kids are going through this eating thing and they need the extra umph) and I put cereal in a bag for them to munch on ...

But, on this day, I decided that I should make blueberry pancakes ... I was a little tired of giving my kids cereal. I have recently found this great pancake recipe that we all love. I get the batter ready to go ... I even get out the pan ... I know I'm going to have to do this all fast once the kids are up ... I have one hour to get everyone out the door ... fed, dressed, teeth brushed, clean diaper, bladders empty, hair brushed, etc ... adding in time to sit down and eat breakfast is a real challenge ... now I'm off to the shower ...

For some reason I do a lot of clear thinking in the shower ... it occurs to me that today is NOT a school day ... and once I'm dressed I discover there are no blueberries ... my husband sucks down fruit at night at an unbelievable rate ... so I scratch the pancake idea.

Sooooo ... I decide this would be a good morning for eating out ... and I make the mistake of asking the kids where they would like to go ... McDonald's is the choice for two and donuts is the choice for one ... ok ... so we are off to get egg mcmuffins then donuts ...

Once the kids are eating I pop in a DVD and we drive across town to a Drive thru donut place and they have red and green Christmas donuts ... of course this is what we get ... the drive home is quiet with the kids munching contentedly behind me and I'm really enjoying the time to sit and think for the first time that day.

When we get home I notice that there is red and green frosting all over their car seats (these things are such a pain to clean) and all over their faces ... it doesn't wipe off ... their faces are stained ... what the heck is in that frosting? ... and then the aftermath ... and I don't mean the sugar high ...

The next day my daughter runs in to tell me that her poop is red ... OMG ... I run to the bathroom ... her poo is a really weird color red ... I'm wracking my brain ... what is going on? Then it hits me ... that donut ... ewwww ...

But, there's more ... later that day changing the diaper of the last potty training hold out, I discover a bright green poop ... double ewww ...

Dunkin' Donuts is out ... I can't believe I put that garbage in my kids.

Share Your Pet Day

Yesterday was Share Your Pet Day at school. Here is the best picture we could come up with. 5 wiggly subjects does not equal good photo ... sigh ...

Politics ... Read At Your Own Risk

I've been reluctant to start this topic. My blog is new and I know it will be mostly about mom topics. Being a mom is who I am ... it is what I always wanted to be. I never had aspirations to be anything else. Many, many women I know ... in fact, all the women I know ... except one ... are quick to talk up their life outside of being a mom ... their job, their interests ... It's the "IN" thing ... being able to tell others you do something more impressive than being a mom. I get the feeling they truly are unfulfilled being a mom. Not so for me ... I love being defined as a mom. When asked about my outside interests ... I always hesitate ... right now my life is all about my kids and managing our family of 5 ... and ... my outside interest is politics.

What exactly would I say? I rarely meet anyone who is interested in an actual debate or exchange of ideas ... and more importantly ... I rarely meet anyone who can hold up their side of the conversation. When asked if I've read any good books lately ... I can usually respond "Yes" but when I say I'm reading a book about the US Constitution or the Federalist Papers ... I get blank stares and not much else.

I have to take a moment here to say that upon writing this down it has occurred to me that anyone looking through my reading materials would be very confused ... I have things on politics, nutrition, and parenting ... maybe I am weird ... I have always suspected it.

Any whoooo, this post was inspired by someone who contacted me recently to ask about the things on my reading list. I think the intent was to be contentious with me for the supposed republican leanings ... but I don't bite easily.

I gave a description of who I am as follows ... I've was a vegan for a lot of my adult life, I recycled before it was popular and in fact my recycling container is always more full than my trash container, I believe that children and retirees should have free access to health care ... but not government controlled health care, I am a complete nut about conservation in any form, I buy organic and locally when possible ... I could go on but won't.

My reading list does heavily lean republican ... but it's because I haven't found a left leaning site that is worth my time. In general, the problem I have with left leaning people is the lack of ability to actually share ideas. They seem to be all about shutting down any opposing opinion. The talk and the feeling coming from the left is "We are the people & party of open discussion ... We accept everyone" their actions speak louder and completely contradict this ... the attempt to shut down Fox News is the latest example(really ... were they trying to draw more viewers to that channel?), along with the complete shut down of competing ideas on health care ... and FYI ... I believe the rush to get this passed has more to do with hoping people forget about it before the next election and then the White House can change their focus to making us believe that they are running the economy effectively.

I know I lean right. I know I'm well informed. I know I'm more educated about our government and our history than most (I once spent several months in a debate with a former poli sci professor and his buddies about the presidential line of succession and what would happen if it was ever challenged ... only to have it actually start to play itself out a year later in the 2000 Presidential Election ... I was really disappointed that it was ended ... my argument was that, if challenged, there is no clear line of succession ... if a new president wasn't clearly elected before the old president was, constitutionally, forced to leave office, we are left without a Commander In Chief).

This is where I've always gone for my own personal passion. I'm not saying these things to start a fight with anyone ... I'm 47 years old ... I have a pretty good handle on my strengths and weaknesses. When I need down time, politics and U.S. history is where I go ... Oh and reality TV (I'm a huge Survivor fan ... let's talk about that instead) and now blogging :) ... But being a mom is the foremost thing that I am right now ... this is what I want to do and be ... it's not popular or glamorous to say it, but I'm at a point in my life where I don't care what people think of me anymore ... it's very liberating :)

Hooray ... Pictures !!!

We had snow here yesterday !!!

Husband, Friend, Irritant, Procrastinator, Fraidy Cat

One of my favorite bloggers wrote a funny post today about reconnecting with our husbands. When another blogger also wrote about her husband, I thought I'd join in the fun.

My husband was born and raised in Saudi Arabia. He was shipped off to the USA for boarding school at the age of 14. Several times a year he made his way, solo, back to Arabia and to various relatives homes for holidays. He had a sister and two brothers who also had the same experience. All four of them are kind, well adjusted, well educated, and occasionally real pains to be married to.

He spent 20 years on his own ... doing his own thing ... considering only his needs ... you can see how this is not the best basis for partnership in a marriage.

The first time this came to light was about 10 months after we were married. We had spent the previous 10 months moving 3 times and getting adjusted to married life. One night, just as things were seeming to get to our new normal, I was the first one home ... so naturally I started dinner ... I was putting everything on the table when he walks in with a take-out meal from a local restaurant ... one meal. Now, in his defense, this was the days before cell phones (jeez ... how old am I?) ... but seriously ... just one meal? He failed to see the problem with this ... so we had a "discussion" about working together and sharing.

He has over the years gotten much, much better ... now though he makes lunch for himself on the weekends and forgets that the kids may also need to eat ... he's a work in progress.

So, let me take a moment to highlight some good traits. He often brings me flowers for no reason ... he has even enlisted the kids to pick out flowers for me when they are out shopping. They often come in from outside to give me a "flower" (dandelion) or a gift from a neighbor ... sorry neighbors :). He brings me Starbucks. He will put the kids to bed by himself if I pretend I'm too sick to do it (kidding aside ... he will always do something if I need him to). He is always there for me if I'm having problem. He is, in fact, a great husband and father.

OK ... enough of that pap ...

The reason I'm writing about my husband today is because of the two posts I read this morning ... and the fact that my husband proved to me last night that his sleep may be the most important thing on the planet.

About 11 pm I'm awakened by what I think is a loud noise ... it sounds like our bedroom door being slammed ... it wakes us both up ... then I notice our new dog has snapped alert ... and the noise was loud enough to wake up our almost deaf older dog. My mind is instantly on alert ... I'm sitting up in bed ... and listening to the baby monitor ... (all three kids have decided to sleep in the same room) ... nothing ... now there is total silence ... I get up and go out into the hall to see if one of the kids got up and I didn't hear it on the monitor ... but none of the motion activated lights are on ... so it seems like no one was wandering through the house ... but somehow I think that someone may be in the house ... evading the Fort Knox like alarm system and all the motion lights. Now I have to check every inch of the house ... the children are all fine and sound asleep ... but still I need to check closets, empty rooms, etc.

Finally, I make my way back to our bedroom ... everything seems fine ... but still there was that noise ... I get in bed and realize that my husband is sound asleep ... and that he has just let me check for burglars, invaders, monsters ... all by myself ... whilst he slept ...

What the hell is that about? ... so I wake him up ... me "Wow what a great protector you are ... you make me feel so safe ... just knowing you are by my side ... oh wait ... you were sound asleep ... oh wait ... why was I even out of bed?" ... him "Huh?" ... me "How can you let me check out that noise by myself?" ... him "What was it?" ... me ... louder "What the hell is wrong with you?" ... him ... long pause ... perhaps wondering what indeed is wrong with him ... "It was on the TV" ... me "The TV is not on ... the dogs even noticed the noise" ... him "Did you find anything?" ... me ... after tempering my annoyance .... "You're an idiot" .... him .....

ssssnnnnooooorrrreeee

me? .... sssiiiggghhhh