Why Can't I Do It All?

I am a mother to 3 kids who are very close in age. I am committed to raising them. I don't want outside help.

I didn't want a nanny, night nurse, or daycare. I wanted to do this ... this was my choice.

I'm a Type A personality and extremely organized.

So, here is the problem...

I can't do it all ...

I've been told ... repeatedly ... to just "let it go" but my brain won't let me. Even after all this time trying to get it all done ... I have a hard time admitting that it just can't be done.

When my twins were about 15 months old, I had the opportunity to see an Internist that is at the top of his profession for Thyroid Disease. My fatigue (not just my family history) propelled me to seek him out. His ultimate evaluation ... "You have what you think you have ... but your real problem is that you think you can do it all?". Once I was over the shock of hearing him say that, he explained "...all you women think you have some super human powers ... but you don't ... you all think that the other mom's are doing it all ... but they aren't ... you just think they are because that's what they want you to think..." and the lecture went on in this vein until I interrupted with, "Who is going to wipe these three butts, and clean all the laundry, feed the dogs, cook the meals, shop for the food, change the linens on the beds, do the dishes..." and I proceeded to go on and on ... until he interrupted with "You've just proven my point ... no one human being can do all that. Stop trying to convince yourself that you can. You're life will not be like this forever ... just a short time. And in the mean time you are going to miss so much of the precious moments with your child."

I think in that moment I was finally able to let go ... not completely ... but enough to realize he was exactly right. I was already feeling like I had missed so much.

So now I'm able to let go a little ... not completely ... but enough. I sleep better and the family is definitely better for it.