Family of 5

A recent post at hdydi.com talked about one baby envy ... as much as anyone who has multiples hates to admit to this ... I think we all have envy in some form of what we perceive someone elses situation to be. For me ... I have two baby envy. To all the other moms with twins only (and no other children) sorry ... but some days I wish I had it so easy. You get to work man to man. The world seems to be organized for pairs ... add in that third and suddenly things seem different ... walking through the mall you have a hand for each child ... reading at night, mom gets one and dad gets one (or one kid under each arm)... bunk beds ... most cars seat two across ... not three ... which kid has to sit in a row by themselves? Most tables seat 4 or 6 or 8 ... so, not enough chairs or always one too many.

Now having said that, I wouldn't actually change anything ... you see ... I think my family is the perfect size ... 5.

Growing up I thought I only ever wanted to have boys. I was always a tomboy. I rode horses, milked cows, cared for chickens, ducks, cats, dogs, birds, goats, and ... well you get my drift ... I grew up on a working Quarter Horse ranch. I had a real aversion to dresses, makeup, and anything overly girlie. What would I do with a girl?

Then 20 weeks in to my first pregnancy we found out we were having a girl. I tried to act okay about it but I was in fact disappointed ... D knew how I felt and I'm sure was watching to see what my reaction would be ... I was pretty sure he wanted a girl. After 11 years together and our struggle to get pregnant, you'd think I would be just happy and nothing else ... well to put it bluntly, I think it is moronic to think you can only feel one way about a situation.

After the ultrasound, D returned to work and I sat in my car, in the parking lot, thinking about life with a daughter ... would I be a total failure? I know nothing about fashion, makeup, girl friends ... I was never interested ... it shows in how I dress and present myself to the world each day ... I'm clean, unwrinkled, and presentable, but my wardrobe of pants or shorts and t-shirts shows the world my lack of concern for my appearance ... oh and the girlfriends ... well I'm not so good there either. I have had 3 sisters my whole life and two moms ... I have never been a person who needs a lot of people around me ... I like being by myself ... when I feel the need for conversation or interaction I have my husband, my brother, and 5 women in my life ... someone always seems to be available. But in my heart I know that I'm horrible at making friends ... how will I teach my daughter about friendships? How to establish and nurture them?

After about 5 minutes in the car with my mind racing, I felt sudden peace ... it was overwhelming ... I knew having a girl was right for me. I can't explain it ... but I put my hand on my belly and said out loud ... "Thank you God". In that moment I knew I had a lot to offer ... maybe not the typical girl things, but things I know I do well. I'm in to politics in a big way ... I'm honest ... practical ... I love math ... I'm a huge advocate for women ... I hate that a lot of younger women today think that dressing like sluts will get them respect from men and in the workplace (the women's libbers must hate that such a huge step has been taken back). I knew I could do this ...

Fast forward ... I am pregnant again. Five days after the embryo transfer of two that made the defrosting process, I decided to take a pregnancy test ... just because ... the positive sign appeared instantly ... it was a test where you pee in a cup them dip the stick in ... the stick had barely touched the urine when the positive sign was revealed ... I called D to let him know. Later that day ... D said "What if it's twins?" ... I was so floored by that ... it had not occurred to me for one moment that I could be having twins ... why? you ask ... well with the first pregnancy two embryos were transferred and we had one baby ... so it only stood to reason ... we would have one again. At day 10, off to the doctor I went for the blood test. I had told the tech about taking the blood test and she laughed ... when I asked her if it meant I was having twins she just smiled and said "I'll call you with the results". She herself was 5 months pregnant with twins through IVF from this doctor.

During my almost hour long drive home my mind was racing ... twins, twins, twins ... my 6 month old was contentedly taking her morning nap in the car seat behind me having no idea how her life was to change.

With the IVF process there are not a lot of surprises ... but for me that's great ... I'm not the surprise type. The call came within minutes of my return home ... I'm trying to remember the exact numbers ... a normal pregnancy reading is about 140ish mine was over 300 ... I of course said does this elevated reading mean twins? ... they said come back for another test day after tomorrow ... if it's twins they will see that number double ... sure enough the number was more than double. All three of us showed up for the ultrasound the next day ... as soon as the image showed on the screen I saw two ...

For someone who always wanted a large family, this seemed like the way to get it done.

This all happened in the only way that it could for us ... had we had twins first ... there would not have been a third child ... we would have most likely stopped with just two ... and what shame that would have been.

Now came the angst of boys vs girls. The morning sickness came on strong and immediately ... and so did the cravings. With the first ... it was watermelon ... thank goodness for Raley's for stocking watermelon in the Winter ... I was eating about a 1/4 of one per day ... with the twins it was prime rib and corn. The twin cravings were just red meat up until the unfortunate heaving my guts out in the line at In-n-Out ... I had not thrown up at all in my first pregnancy and it was unexpected in this one ... there I was trapped ... 3 cars ahead of me and at least 3 behind me ... the odor of cooked hamburger invaded the car and I was gone ... thankfully I had the fore site to plan for the event (I had read the Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy and they had suggested having a towel ready just in case the urge came while in the car). Unfortunately, a towel is not the best choice ... ever try to get massive amounts of vomit out of a towel ... me neither ... I just threw it away. By the time I got to the window, I was a mess ... I'm sure I smelled lovely ... I had vomit on my shirt, hands, face ... i was madly trying to wipe it all off ... but I was being beeped at to move ahead in the line ... I was holding up a line of hungry people ... do I need to even explain the look on that poor kids face who took my money?

(The hardest part about writing ... staying on point)

Because of the cravings for meat, everyone kept telling me I was having two boys ... sigh ... now I wanted a girl. I loved my daughter and because of my relationship with my sisters, I dearly wanted her to have a sister ... now I was convinced I was having two boys.

But we were being smiled upon ... one boy, one girl.

Even though, the odd number in our family has presented some challenges along the way, the family dynamic is perfect. The two girls have their relationship, the twins have a different relationship, first daughter and son have a connection too because they are so much alike in personality. The dynamic is perfect.

Lastly, I think D really enjoys having a son. As much as I think he was as lost about what to do with a son as I was with a daughter, the two of them have a real connection. I love it when he says, "...no...daddy only". Mostly because it relieves me of some of the work :)).